All Christians have been given a spiritual gift or gifts. We know this is true because this is what the scripture says in 1st Corinthians 7:7b, “each has his own gift”.
I am single in Christ. What is the gift of singleness you ask? To put it in my own words, the gift of singleness is a freedom from the desire to pursue marriage or to be married along with the ability to remain content in sexual celibacy. I would add that one must also be content in silence and solitude in their personal time, but the main focus is being free from marriage and strong sexual desire. It is very important to stress, that this gift along with all other spiritual gifts, is to be used to God’s glory and not for selfish gain. It is especially important to stress this very truth for singleness because as a single Christian, it can be very tempting to try to convince yourself that you have the gift of singleness for selfish reasons such as finances or more free time. If this is your reasoning for singleness, then I would argue that you don’t have the gift of singleness, and you are merely shirking responsibility, delaying marriage, and prolonging your adolescence. The gift of singleness, if you have it, carries with the the responsibility and the desire to use it for the glory of God.
How exactly I am using my singleness to serve the LORD is another discussion. My aim here is to point out that most often, when I discuss with others what God has been or is doing in my life and I mention my singleness, people simply dismiss it. They say things like, “It will happen one day”, or “You just haven’t met the right girl yet, then you’ll change your tune”. My favorite comes from the ones who somehow have a special knowledge of God’s will for my life who tell me in various words the same thing; that I’m going to get married sooner or later because it’s God’s will and He has someone special for me. Most of the time a just nod politely but I’m always thinking to myself, “Were you even listening to me?”
As members of the body of Christ, each with our own respective spiritual gifts, aren’t we always nurturing and encouraging in regards to each others gift or gifts? Does not the church give plenty of opportunities for the saints to use their gift? We don’t dismiss it when someone has the gift of wisdom, for example. We don’t discourage them from teaching or preaching. Or if someone has the gift of helps, we don’t tell them that they must be mistaken about what gift they think they have and discourage them from helping. So why, oh why my dear brothers and sisters, when someone speaks out and proclaims that they have the gift of singleness and they are seeking to use it to glorify our almighty, infinite Father; do we suddenly act like we know better that them about their own gift and simply treat them as a marriage waiting to happen?
I would speculate that perhaps many of us do not realize the significance of this particular spiritual gift, as each spiritual gift has it’s own significance (though all of them point to God’s glory). To illustrate the significance of the gift of singleness, let me borrow some points from a sermon by John Piper titled “Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters”.
The main point of Pastor John’s message is that A. God promises those of us who will remain single blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children. And also, B. that God calls those to display, in Christ exalting devoting devotion in singleness, to display truths (four of them) about Christ and His kingdom, that shine more clearly through singleness, than through marriage:
1. That the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ.
2. That relationships in Christ are more permanent and more precious than relationships in families.
3. That marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which is was pointing all along, namely, Christ and the church.
4. That faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life, and all other relationships get their significance from that.
Pastor John begins is Isaiah:
Isaiah 56:4-5 For thus says the LORD: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, (5) I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.
In his message Pastor John clarifies that “eunuchs” does not strictly mean those who have been physically altered by castration but defines them as “those who cannot procreate, and thus devote themselves to some unique service”.
Piper continues by explaining to understand this more clearly we have to first go back to the context of Genesis and know that from the beginning, from before the fall, through His covenant from Abraham all the way to Christ; God is building his covenant people primarily through procreation. Thus marriage and having children here is of paramount importance. God was building his covenant through a particular people, primarily Israel. Having children and building that lineage was important for the propagation of the name and nation of Israel. So thus we have passages such as Genesis 1:28 where it says “be fruitful and multiply”.
And this is the background for Isaiah 56:4-5, that God will give to the eunuchs, those who remain devoted to singleness in Christ, who cannot procreate and propagate their own name; an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. So what is this everlasting name, if the eunuch cannot procreate? This must be referring to different kind of children. And so we must look at another passage:
Isaiah 53:10 Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
He shall see His offspring? Jesus was never married. He was a eunuch, faithfully single until His death, which is the point really. This is another kind of offspring. When Christ saves us by His blood, when we are untied to him through faith, we become His children, the children of God. So now a whole new way of bringing offspring into being takes precedence over the old way. “Which is why the next chapter, 54″, Piper says, “begins like this”:
Isa 54:1 “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the LORD.
We are talking about spiritual birth here! This is a prophetic proclamation that God’s grace will go beyond physical descent. This prophecy tells how God, through regeneration by faith in Christ, will build the family of God. Paul comments on this in Galatians:
Galatians 3:7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham.
Galatians 3:25-26 But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, (26) for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.
What does this mean for the one who is single in Christ? Piper answers, “Single people in Christ have zero disadvantage in bearing children for God, and in many ways significant advantages…Paul was a single all his life, or at least, lest we overstate it, single all the life we knew him…and he is a father if there ever was one”. Paul says in 1st Corinthians:
1 Corinthians 4:15 For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.
Piper goes on to caution, “Now take heed and be careful, lest you trivialize what I am saying, as though Pastor John is sentimentalizing singleness to make the single folks feels good. I could care less about making anyone feel good. I am declaring the temporary and secondary nature of marriage and family over against the eternal and primary nature of the church. That’s what I’m declaring. This is not trivial. This is HUGE. And I fear that we have settled into our land, and into our culture, and idolized the family, idolized marriage. We’re here for a vapor’s breath and then we’re gone. What happens here is relatively minor compared to what will be after the resurrection”.
He then continues by pointing out that in the resurrection, that there are no marriages:
Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
“I am declaring”, says Piper, “the radical biblical truth that being in a human family is no sign of eternal blessing. Being in God’s family means being eternally blessed. Relationships based on family are temporary. Relationships based on Christ are eternal. Marriage is a temporary institution and stands for something that lasts forever, namely, our relationship to Jesus Christ, church and bridegroom.”
When Jesus’ mother, Mary and his brothers came and asked to see Him what was his reply?
Matthew 12:48-50 But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” (49) And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! (50) For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
So you see, the emphasis is on the family of God. Those who keep the word of God, who do the will of the Father, those are Jesus’ mother and brothers.
Piper adds, “Do not elevate natural processes like procreation and childbearing, and marriage to anything bigger than what they are: temporal physical means of keeping the world going and illustrations of Christ and the church, which when He comes fade away…
“So what shall we say in view of the amazing Biblical vision of the secondary and temporary nature of marriage and procreation? We should say what Jesus said and what Paul said following Jesus. And here is what Jesus said”:
Matthew 19:12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Again, Pastor John clarifies the meaning of eunuch, saying, “There is no reason that we should take the phrase, ‘made themselves eunuchs’, to refer to any form of physical sterilization, any more than we take the words, ‘if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out’.
He goes on, “If you can receive it…receive it. Some people choose, by God’s calling a life of devoted singleness in Christ. And to them is promised a name and a memorial better than the name of marriage and children”.
So what does Paul say?
1 Corinthians 7:7-8 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. (8) To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. (33) But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, (34) and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. (35) I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Now that we have this scriptural foundation that, God promises those of us who will remain single blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children, the main point of Pastor John’s message, someone might ask, “Can I have both? Wouldn’t it be better to have both the blessings of marriage and children, and the eternal blessings? Pastor John gives two answers to that question.
1. That the blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to the blessings of being married and having children, that to ask this question; “Wouldn’t it be better to have both”, is like asking, “If you are going to give me the ocean, can’t I also have a thimble”? So to see Christ more clearly is to keep this, and all things in better perspective.
2. Both marriage and singleness present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for sanctification. Unique. Not the same, different, yet both important. And there will be unique rewards for each. And which is better will depend not on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded to each.
In closing, as Jesus said, to the one who can receive it, let him receive it. And as Paul said, each one has his own gift. To the one who is called to singleness in Christ, let him receive it. My dear brothers and sisters, I have received this calling. I am here to be a spiritual father, for the glory of God. So please allow me to lovingly exhort you: The next time a single person, as rare as this gift may seem, shares with you in conversation their spiritual gift of singleness, don’t dismiss it. Don’t treat them simply as a marriage waiting to happen. Don’t tell them that “it will happen one day”, because this is no trivial thing for this individual, no more than your spiritual gift is a trivial thing. Instead, engage in the conversation, challenge them, exhort them, encourage them, hold them accountable by asking them how they are using their gift for God’s glory, and most importantly, pray for them. Don’t dismiss my singleness.
Soli Deo Gloria!